If you have ever considered running off to get married without the fanfare and friends that a traditional wedding entails, then you may be asking yourself “Is eloping selfish?” We often think of an elopement as something reserved for spontaneous, rebellious couples who aren’t afraid to shun tradition.
But there is also an increasing trend in couples considering skipping out on a full wedding affair in order to ensure they get precisely what they want: a day entirely for and about them and their marriage. Eloping can be seen as self-service, but it doesn’t have to mean being indifferent to your obligation to others or compromising your values.
So, is eloping selfish? Let’s dive into why it’s not and how you can still involve your family and friends in your elopement!
When it comes to weddings, oftentimes, it can feel like it morphs from your special day to something that you have to do to satisfy everyone else.
You have to have the perfect venue that all of your guests will be comfortable in. Your reception has to be fun and exciting to keep everyone happy and dancing the whole night. You have to pick food that caters to all of the different people coming to your wedding.
It can quickly change from a day to celebrate you and your partner to a day for all of your friends and family. Elopements allow you to take the day back and make it exactly what you and your partner want.
You don’t have to worry about everyone else and can focus on you and the beginning of your life together. Whether that means going off somewhere just the two of you or only having a select group of people be a part of your wedding, it will be a day just for you.
Weddings can be expensive. From venues to caterers, florists, outfits, and more, a big wedding can run up quite the bill in a very short amount of time. As much as you would love to have every single one of your friends and family with you at your wedding, it may just not be feasible.
Elopements allow you to strip away all of the extra things that come along with weddings and focus on what is truly important to you and your partner. Yes, there are things that you will still need for your elopement, but it will most likely come at a much lower cost.
For example, you will probably still have flowers, but instead of needing multiple bouquets and boutonnieres for your wedding party and flowers to put around both the wedding venue and the reception venue, you just need one or two for you and your partner.
Even if you still choose to do an intimate reception with just your immediate family, the cost for catering, decor, and a venue for 10 people will be far less expensive than for 100+ guests. And if costs are not a significant influence, with an intimate affair, you can invest more into the guest experience for fewer guests and opt for luxurious details and food you adore.
You can also use the money you save on things like flowers, cake, venues, etc, and put it towards a more memorable and meaningful ceremony. This can mean renting out a spot that is special to you and your partner or taking a trip to your dream location to say I do.
Your love should be celebrated exactly how you want it to be, and a perfect way to do that is with an intimate elopement ceremony. Other people may tell you it’s selfish because they want to be there, but why is eloping selfish? Why is having an intimate ceremony with only the most important people in your life there selfish?
Odds are, when you make your guest list, there is going to be a decent amount of people who are invited because you think they should be invited or because other people tell you they need to be invited, but why does that matter? Heck, if your own wedding isn’t the one time in your lives you get to celebrate yourselves in the way that feels best to you, then what day is?
Eloping gives you and your partner the opportunity to strip away all of the things you think (or people tell you) you should do and do what you actually want to do. You can always share your wedding day with everyone else after the fact (which we will talk about later), but your wedding itself is allowed to be about just you and your partner. No awkward conversations, no guilt for not saying hi to everyone at your wedding, just an intimate, special moment for you and your partner.
One of my favorite things about elopements is that they become so much more than just a single event or ceremony. Elopements give you the freedom to transform your wedding into an entire experience, and you can elope pretty much anywhere.
Want to get married on a boat in the middle of the ocean? Go for it. Feel like saying I do on the top of a mountain peak? I’ll grab my hiking boots. Looking to tie the knot abroad in a spot worthy of a fairytale? Book those tickets!
Your elopement experience can be so much more than just the ceremony itself. You can turn it into a full-day event and explore a new area with your new spouse or even make a whole trip out of it. Who says your honeymoon can’t start before you actually get married?
Elopements also give you the freedom to get married anywhere you can imagine. Why give up your dream of getting married in the Rocky Mountains at sunset just because 100 people can’t make the hike up the mountain?
Elopements are an excellent alternative for couples who aren’t super traditional. Maybe you met while hiking a 14er in Colorado and want to recreate that memory. Or maybe you connected over your love of traveling and want to continue those adventures as you start your new life together.
Elopements are an excellent way for each and every couple to embrace who they are and why they fell in love in the purest way possible. You don’t have to feel like you have to fit this mold for the perfect wedding or that your wedding won’t be complete without everyone you know there with you.
Ditch what everyone expects, and be true to yourself. This is your wedding, and you should feel empowered to be as nontraditional and adventurous as you want!
When it comes to the question “is eloping selfish?” the reason most people will say it is, is because your friends and family don’t get to celebrate your marriage with you. But that doesn’t have to be the case. Just because you chose to elope doesn’t mean you still can’t celebrate your love with the people closest to you.
A great way to do this is to have a post-wedding party. This is almost like a reception, but it doesn’t have to be nearly as formal or fancy (or it can be, again it’s your wedding!). You can invite all of the people you would have invited to a traditional wedding and share the memories of your elopement with everyone.
If you do choose to have a videographer for your wedding or have someone record your ceremony, you can even show that video so everyone can feel like they were there on that day and laugh and cry right alongside you.
Like I said, this doesn’t have to be a huge event. You can do it in your backyard or rent out a small venue for a few hours and do just a simple buffet for food. You can also choose to still have a full reception with a band or DJ, speeches, toasts, and the whole nine yards.
Either way, doing a post-wedding party gives you the best of both worlds: an intimate wedding that is exactly what you dreamed of and a celebration with all of your friends and family!
So, is eloping selfish? Absolutely not! Whether you are looking for an adventure or just an intimate day with the person you love, eloping is a great way to start your life together. Plus, eloping doesn’t mean your family and friends can’t be involved. Instead, you can have the wedding of your dreams (without all the stress) and a big celebration with your people afterward. Looking for the perfect photographer to take along with you on your adventure? Click here to get in touch and chat about how we can help capture your perfect elopement!